recovering consumer
what got me through my weeks on the couch
It’s been a month since “the accident” (stares wistfully into the distance).
And what a month it's been! I was completely thrown out of my routine. My motivation evaporated…poof! Goodbye schedule, goodbye journaling, goodbye meditation, goodbye to anything i might think is “good” for me. Instead I told myself I was ‘recovering’ so I could do whatever I want. Licence hath done been given. So I ate a lot of candy, bought stuff online, and scrolled tiktok in a way that would horrify even the Chinese Government.
But I’m like, lowkey walking again and the sun is out and everything is a lot less bad. I will say, learning to walk is weird as hell. It has made me think about all of the tiny bits inside of me that I take for granted: the tiny muscles and tendons that stabilize a knee when it's bending, the way those itty bits articulate, acting on sensory information unknown to me, the way a body is constantly calibrating itself in space, the way that a subconscious brain is a puppet master making complex motion possible.
My physio taught me that I have a specific walking pattern where my knees like to bend in when I drive force from my quads through the knee, down into the foot. As it turns out this bending-in motion has something to do with the “mechanism of injury”. Now how am I supposed to trust my body knowing that my everyday movements are maladaptive?! It’s horrifying to have insides. Walking is a miracle!
There’s something to be said about the perspective that recovery will put you in. I’m not entirely sure what there is to be said, but there’s something, for sure. Something about finding new meanings in the mundane, something about appreciating small things, something about resetting. Fresh eyes fresheyes freshe yes, iykwim.
Not to be like, everyone should break their leg, but there’s something to be said. Silver linings and stuff.
Reporting from the front lines of overconsumption 🫡
So yeah, i’m re-learning that mobility shouldn’t be taken for granted while still refusing to moralize my overconsumption of pretty much anything i can get my hands on. When “the accident” happened, Alan put together an enormous care package for me, consisting of activities, projects, fidget toys, and an ungodly amount of snacks. On top of this care-consumption I’ve kept up my multi-sensory multi-screen overload so that’s cool i guess. I thought it could be fun to walk through (lol) some of that. This only just scratches the surface, but it’s the stuff that provoked a reaction, good or bad.
RHOBH
Y’all knew this one was coming so i thought i’d put it first. As previously established, I’m obsessed. Since my last post Alan and I blasted through S4 to get to the good stuff aka. S5. Goodbye and good riddance to Joyce and Carlton! I won’t miss Miss Universe Puerto Rico, nor will I miss Carlton. I looked up her wikipedia to find something funny to say about her but her page was maybe the shortest ive ever seen…🙊 Not that size matters.
Thankfully that’s all behind us. Season 5 feels like we made it. Lisa Rinna has arrived, meaning there are now two imperial Lisas in the same franchise. That’s what I’m talking about!
Burning Roses by HL Huang
The couple of books that i’ve read this month haven’t been my favorite. Burning Roses by HL Huang was annoying. Imagine the most 2017 idea for a gay fantasy novel: a queer retelling of classic fairytales. Now shorten it and take out all of the fun. Dang that sounded mean! But if I'm going to read about how Little Red Riding Hood fell in love with Belle and stole her away from the Beast, I want to read about it. I want pages. I want to get into it, not just skim the surface. The details are what make a story, not the outline. This is my problem with short stories: too often they feel like the author had an interesting idea but didn’t care enough to flesh it out. God forbid a girl actually wants to read stuff.
The Mistress’ Daughter by AM Homes
Then I read AM Homes’ memoir (of sorts), The Mistress’s Daughter. I'm no literary scholar, but to me AM Homes is like if Joan Didion was a bit of a kook. She’s another author from the last generation of writers who were public personalities, but she’s the one who didn’t get as famous and like, lost a couple marbles. Her stories are a bit dark and surreal.
The first half of her memoir was interesting at least. It explored how adoption can cleave someone’s identity, dividing their sense of belonging across families, stories, realities. The second half got boring. It was written in 2005, about how the internet is so cRaZY (!!) sometimes. I didn’t finish.
Final Destination: Bloodlines
This was fine. I had to be bullied into seeing it by my neighbourhood polycule because goodness knows I am not a scary movie person. But they knew something I didn’t: it’s not scary at all. Everybody dies so once you realize that’s the whole thing it's easy enough to get through. I did think it could have been shorter.
Since seeing it I’ve been having a lot of fun pointing out random objects and yelling “Final Destination!” watch out!
Addison
Controversial opinion? I think Addison Rae is eating it. Maybe not controversial actually. I read Suzy Exposito’s interview with Addison in Elle Magazine and it validated a lot of what I’ve been feeling. I respect her hustle to go from a career in social media to a career in music. Who can’t relate to wanting to be a pop star?
I started paying attention when she started working with Charli and Arca (etc.) because all of a sudden she was on the list of recommended readings for gay people who want to be annoying about music. But my dutiful consumption quickly turned into a genuine appreciation. She is taking it! Diet Pepsi is obviously a hit, but High Fashion is better. The way the synths sound like they're modulating within the chorus drives me up the wall in a good way. Four singles have been released so far and I could listen to them all day long. We’re in for a treat on June 6th.
Something I’ve been wondering: Charli obviously impacted Addison’s musical credibility (women supporting women, we love), but how did Addison contribute to bringing Charli into the mainstream? When they first started collaborating Charli had loyal angels, but Addison had everyone in the world following her on tiktok. It’s probably impossible to explain the alchemy of brat summer, but did Addison’s feature on the von dutch remix play a part?
If you’re interested in the other stuff I’m listening to you can follow me on apple music lmao.
Final thought:
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